"What I thought I wanted...

...what I got instead
leaves me broken
yet grateful." - Sara Groves

I remember posting about this song a few months ago, during the whole cubicle-to-pod transition, when I was struggling with unmet expectations.

And now here I am--months later, different situation(s)--and the struggle continues.

Once upon a time, my friend Martha told me, "Sometimes we don't even realize we have expectations until they aren't met and we end up disappointed or frustrated and can't figure out why."

For example, I didn't realize I was missing my dad until he reappeared and I found myself feeling sad and frustrated with him for not being what I wish he could be.

What I thought I wanted...what I got instead...

What I didn't even know I wanted, until I got something else instead.

So where do I go with this? My heart has been feeling pretty broken, but how do you get to the "grateful" part?

I don't know, exactly. Still trying to figure that out. However, even in the midst of looking for answers, God has been gently nudging me back to a truth he's already shown me a hundred different times through a hundred different situations...the truth that only he can meet my needs...that only he can love me perfectly...and the truth that, if I'll throw my chips in and let him prove that to me, I won't be disappointed...and, ironically, my relationships with people will be even more enjoyable and more satisfying than they could ever be when I'm pushing and pulling and demanding and whining.

There's something about this that brings an indescribable sense of relief. And yeah, I guess gratitude.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
On a completely unrelated note...I tried a new tea today--Tazo sweet cinnamon and spice (or something like that). Ick. Stay away. It sounds good, but don't be fooled, unless your favorite type of tea is nas-tea.