I want to be a loser!

The diet begins.

I've never been one to be obsessed with food, but it's amazing how, the day after you start a diet, every thought is suddenly fixated on food. Calories. Points. Some of the things that go through your head are borderline insane: "Hmm, I think I'll watch some TV...I wonder how many points that will cost me?" Life, for a brief period of time, revolves completely around food. And all the math involved! I don't really enjoy making decisions anyway, let alone decisions that involve doing math while I'm hungry.

Today's my first full day, and my body is feeling two things: tired and confused. ("What the heck? What's with all these vegetables? What are we supposed to do with vitamins and nutrients? Where's the cheeseburger?")

Oh, and funny lesson I learned today: pay attention to the serving size on the box. There's a big difference between an entire frozen pizza, and one-third of a frozen pizza.

If I can make it through this week, I think it will get better. The nonphysical part of me feels good and hopeful. The physical part of me might be complaining, but honestly, it's been in charge for too long. Time to sit down and learn who's the boss.

Some things I'm looking forward to after I meet my goal:
hiking in Tennessee in May without getting winded immediately
fitting into my old clothes
feeling healthier and having more energy
sleeping better

I've never really been super self-disciplined, but I'm trying to take some encouragement from Paul, who definitely knew self-discipline. A super cool self-discipline, perseverence verse I found: "Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave..." - 1 Cor 9:26-27

Thass right, body. Who da boss?

the big three-oh

So, today is the husband's 30th birthday. The festivities, however, have been in full swing since Friday.

Friday night was a combined surprise party with 20 of our friends. He was clueless, delightfully surprised, and we had a great time.

The greatest part was when, Thursday night, he confessed that he'd been feeling hurt that I hadn't planned anything for his birthday. I choked back a laugh, feigned remorse for my thoughtlessness, and cooked up a couple lies to tide him over. Worked like a charm. Too bad crow wasn't an item on the party menu.

Saturday he opened his gifts early, then sat in the basement watching the special features on his new Transformers: The Movie, 20th Anniversary edition DVD.

Last night, the in-laws came down to take us out to dinner. The restaurant choice was a no-brainer--Quaker Steak and Lube, best wings in town. Craig has been looking forward to the 30-wing challenge ever since his 29th birthday, and today he is at home recovering from the assault to his digestive system.

Tonight we wrap it all up with a cake from the Golden Delight bakery and a fun-filled Bible study with the gang, talking about God's love.

Happy birthday, baby :)

:) and :(

It's amazing the "fascinating" things one will think to blog about when she is procrastinating...

I know the week isn't over yet, but I'm getting a head start on the weekend.

Some things that irked me this week:

• My car locks freezing shut, causing me to (1) bend (ie. ruin) my key and (2) snap off (yes, snap off) the door handle. It's been a cold week in Columbus.
• Paying $20 at the vet for an unnecessary service that I had gone to passive-aggressive lengths to avoid. Half of me was irked at the swindling vet, the other half was irked at myself for not being more straightforward in turning down the unnecessary service.

Some things that made me smile this week:

• This:
  

This is a doll Shannon made for me. It's supposed to be Maureen, my podmate (who is always joking that she thinks I must have a voodoo doll of her in my desk, because she says things to the boss like "Oh sure I'll do extra work, but only if you'll let me take it home with me." Her dedication makes the rest of us look like slackers). I pinned her for fun, but it just made me laugh because Maureen is the most likeable person I know, and even the doll is smiling and sweet-looking. This was a great source of amusement to me on Tuesday.

• American Idol (although for the first time, I've been feeling sad for the sucky contestants, especially the one mother who went on and on about how much crap she's been through in life, and that singing is the only thing that's gotten her through it, and she started crying when she was talking about how amazing it feels "when people keep telling you that you're not good enough, and you realize that you ARE really good" [except that she wasn't, and they laughed at her, and it made me really sad])
• Finding a period in the middle of a word at work. It was "alo.ng" and I wielded my red pen and killed it. I don't know why (and I realize that the 99% of you who are not like me in my word-nerdiness will find this pathetic rather than cool), but finding stuff like that always makes me feel happy and like my work matters. I exist so that periods don't get published in the middle of words. That counts for something, right?
• The cat nap that produced these pictures (man, sometimes I wish I'd been born a cat):

The last one is the funniest to me--check out the smushed face and one-eyed, bored look.

Okay, enough procrastinating. Time to get some stuff done.

Captain Bob

So I’ve got a rare lull at work, and I thought “seems like a good time for a blog!”

I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s love lately. It’s an upcoming topic for Bible study, so I’ve been pondering it. Yesterday, it brought to mind a memory from years ago.

For a short time in college, I was involved in the college group at a local church, which was led by this cool Air Force guy that we called Captain Bob (because his name was Bob and he was, indeed, a captain). At the end of our meetings, Captain Bob always prayed, and his prayers almost always started with this little sentiment: “Father, thanks for loving us.” I was always curiously impacted by that little prayer, and the memory of it has stayed with me. When I’d hear him say it, my heart would feel warm and open a little more toward God. I’ve been thinking about it and trying to figure out what exactly struck me about it…

It was a humble little prayer—implying that the love was something to be thankful for, rather than to be expected or demanded—but not in a morose or self-debasing way. There was something simple and childlike about it, almost as though caught by surprise, maybe with an unexpected gift (“Wow! You love me! How cool!”). There was also something secure about it. Unquestioning, unsuspicious. Just confident and at rest.

Now, I don’t know if Captain Bob consciously felt all these things or intended all these things with his little prayer (shoot—for all I know, it was just a habit for him), but his words somehow communicated these things to me. Maybe even in a magnified way, because of the way they stood in contrast to what I often felt (and still often feel) in my own heart when I approach God—bored, suspicious, anxious…the pendulum always swinging back and forth between an arrogant sense of self-entitlement and an embarrassed sense of guilt. Hearing that little prayer (and remembering it now) was like a light shining into the darkness and confusion of my heart, declaring “It’s not supposed to be like this! You’ve got it all wrong, and it’s so much better than you realize!”

It reminds me now of one of my favorite Brennan Manning quotes:

“Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life… Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: ‘You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!’ . . . If that happens to us, we experience grace.” - The Ragamuffin Gospel

So, yeah. I don’t really have a super-deep point to all of this, but it’s been on my mind for the past day or two. I’m realizing how little I have figured out when it comes to understanding God and what his love is like. It’s something difficult to put to words, but every so often the experience of it rushes in in a very real and almost tangible way, and when that happens, I feel like I have to somehow get it down on paper before I inevitably forget it again.

So anyway, time to get back to work. Thanks for listening.

Weekend in Review

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." - Benjamin Franklin

I didn't know that was attributed to Ben until I googled it. According to that sentiment, though, I'm certifiably insane. Can anyone else relate?

My weekend:

• Lots of driving. I'm thankful the Honda has cruise control.
• Lots of family. I love 'em, but man. Do you ever look at your parents and think "Am I seriously the genetic combination of those two? How did THAT happen?"
• Fun (albeit brief) baby shower. Sam (sister-in-law, sort of. Someday, I hope?) is such a cute pregnant. I can't wait to meet baby Noah.
• It was sooooo good to catch up with old friends at Janée and Dave's wedding. The roommate dance party, in itself, was worth the drive. (Beth, I think God told me that you need to move to Columbus. It might be your future husband's address or something. I'm not sure--our connection started to break up, so maybe I heard Him wrong, but I distinctly heard "Franklin County.")
• Awesome Sunday nap. One more reason I'm thankful for my career choice--my Sundays aren't consumed with lesson-planning. The freedom to nap is wonderful.
• Desperate Housewives. I can't think of a better way to end the weekend than with some girlfriends, crackers, and brie (and Bree. The TV character as well as the friend she reminds me of).

Oh, and I get to sleep in tomorrow. Hallelujah.

Random stuff

Random stuff about today and the upcoming weekend:

• I love the show The Office, but I do not love the fact that my work life feels more and more like it every day.
• Stupid Grey's Anatomy made me cry tonight. Again. Stupid daddy scenes.
• I was on quotationspage.com tonight and this one made me laugh: "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening
• So tonight my brother told me that every time I learn a new science fact at work, I'm supposed to call and tell him. Dude, that's every day. Here's one I keep seeing that makes me think of Heather: "The sunniest place in the United States is Yuma, Arizona, with an average of 4133 hours of sunshine per year." Huh! Who knew?
• In the next couple months I have to finish making one baby blanket and (at least) four baby pillows. I'm so lame/behind on my sewing/knitting/crocheting projects. If I've promised you something and not yet delivered, don't worry--it's not you, it's me.
• Tomorrow is the Friday before a holiday weekend, and therefore a get-out-of-work-early day for all MGH employees. This makes me happy.
• This weekend I'm doing some serious driving and party- (or shower-/wedding-) hopping. I can already hear "I Will Survive" playing...BG peeps, are you ready for some dancing? Oh, but I am...

That's all for now.

Suffering (oh yeah, baby!!)

(You know a melancholy personality when you see a subject line like that!)

So I've been thinking about suffering lately.

Maybe having my favorite team lose the National Championship (after the most butt-kicking, flawless, beautiful football season ever) sparked it. That was painful.

But even more than that, the subject has come up a lot lately. Maybe not that word necessarily, but the idea. 2005 was a year I experienced some (non-Buckeye-related) suffering, and 2006 was fairly mild by comparison. That's good, right? Yet, somehow, and the end of 06, the reflecting/looking-back stuff felt a little more shallow than it did last year. There was a depth and a richness to what God taught me through the crap in '05 that I missed at the end of '06. Funny how that works.

A good friend is going through some hard, hard stuff right now. She's not enjoying it. And yet, as I watch her and try to encourage her and be there for her, I can see the budding answers to some prayers I've been praying for her for years...some good, good things that God is doing and will continue to do in her life, and he's using this hard, hard stuff to do it. (Please don't kill me--I promise I didn't pray for you to suffer!!)

And last night, the subject came up with a group of friends as we were sitting around talking about the Bible...talking about God and some of the benefits (yes, benefits) we get to enjoy in our lives, some of which only come through suffering (not that suffering is the benefit--I'm a melancholy, but not a masochist--but it's an avenue to some benefits). Benefits like humility, peace, character--you know those people who have that quality that just makes you want to be around them? That just by being around them, you feel good about yourself? They don't make everything about them, because they're genuinely interested in you, and there's this presence about them that's just attractive and draws you in? Those people are usually people who have suffered a lot, and instead of choosing bitterness, they chose something else, and over time it has profoundly changed them. I want to be like that.

So I guess I've been thinking about suffering and about how thankful I am for the bits of it I have experienced so far. And more than the suffering itself, I'm thankful for a God who uses it to bring about good in my life. Real good. Lasting good. Deep good. It's totally crazy and counterintuitive, but that seems to be how he works. And today, it makes me happy. (Probably because the suffering I've been reflecting on is either in the past or happening to someone else--ha!)

Resolutions?

It's the new year. Everyone's talking about resolutions and new beginnings. I was reading Dena's blog, and she made a good point: How exactly did the world "change" a week ago when the clock struck 12? What's the big deal about the new year?

Nothing, really. But for some reason, we take it as our annual opportunity to look back and look ahead. To take stock of things. To reflect on all that has changed. To decide what else we want to change.

Dena's observation reminded me of a passage in the Bible: "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:21-23)

The new year is a good time for a new start, but that's true of every day. I "blow it" pretty often. I lament over my bad choices, my lack of discipline (reason #1 that I don't make new year's resolutions), my inability to "fix" all the things that drive me crazy about myself...but I love this passage, because it reminds me (a) that God's love is bigger than my screwups and (b) that every day (actually, every moment) is an opportunity for a fresh start. I don't have to wait until next January. His kindness toward me is always new, and his faithfulness to me is always great. Good thing!

Chuck Norris Fun Facts

Someone rediscovered this list today at work. It's worth hours of ridiculous entertainment. I don't know who decided that Chuck Norris was the biggest badass in the world, but these are funny. Here are a few of my favorites:

1. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
2. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
6. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
8. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
9. Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
10. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
12. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
13. When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
14. Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
15. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
16. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
17. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
18. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
19. Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
20. Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."

Oh, and there are so many more--this is just a small sample.