Captain Bob

So I’ve got a rare lull at work, and I thought “seems like a good time for a blog!”

I’ve been thinking a lot about God’s love lately. It’s an upcoming topic for Bible study, so I’ve been pondering it. Yesterday, it brought to mind a memory from years ago.

For a short time in college, I was involved in the college group at a local church, which was led by this cool Air Force guy that we called Captain Bob (because his name was Bob and he was, indeed, a captain). At the end of our meetings, Captain Bob always prayed, and his prayers almost always started with this little sentiment: “Father, thanks for loving us.” I was always curiously impacted by that little prayer, and the memory of it has stayed with me. When I’d hear him say it, my heart would feel warm and open a little more toward God. I’ve been thinking about it and trying to figure out what exactly struck me about it…

It was a humble little prayer—implying that the love was something to be thankful for, rather than to be expected or demanded—but not in a morose or self-debasing way. There was something simple and childlike about it, almost as though caught by surprise, maybe with an unexpected gift (“Wow! You love me! How cool!”). There was also something secure about it. Unquestioning, unsuspicious. Just confident and at rest.

Now, I don’t know if Captain Bob consciously felt all these things or intended all these things with his little prayer (shoot—for all I know, it was just a habit for him), but his words somehow communicated these things to me. Maybe even in a magnified way, because of the way they stood in contrast to what I often felt (and still often feel) in my own heart when I approach God—bored, suspicious, anxious…the pendulum always swinging back and forth between an arrogant sense of self-entitlement and an embarrassed sense of guilt. Hearing that little prayer (and remembering it now) was like a light shining into the darkness and confusion of my heart, declaring “It’s not supposed to be like this! You’ve got it all wrong, and it’s so much better than you realize!”

It reminds me now of one of my favorite Brennan Manning quotes:

“Grace strikes us when we are in great pain and restlessness. It strikes us when we walk through the dark valley of a meaningless and empty life… Sometimes at that moment a wave of light breaks into our darkness, and it is as though a voice were saying: ‘You are accepted. You are accepted, accepted by that which is greater than you, and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask for the name now; perhaps you will find it later. Do not try to do anything now; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted!’ . . . If that happens to us, we experience grace.” - The Ragamuffin Gospel

So, yeah. I don’t really have a super-deep point to all of this, but it’s been on my mind for the past day or two. I’m realizing how little I have figured out when it comes to understanding God and what his love is like. It’s something difficult to put to words, but every so often the experience of it rushes in in a very real and almost tangible way, and when that happens, I feel like I have to somehow get it down on paper before I inevitably forget it again.

So anyway, time to get back to work. Thanks for listening.