self-giving vs. self-protecting

This is kind of random, but I was listening to this song today and reminded of how much I identify with the lyrics.

I am, at the core, a naturally self-protecting person. I've come to see this play out in many areas of my life, though none has revealed it more clearly than my relationship with Craig. Indeed, I had no idea how fiercely committed I was to myself or to what lengths I am willing to go to protect, defend, and insulate myself until I entered into this most intimate of relationships. Intimacy and conflict are inseparable--anyone who says they never argue or have conflict with their significant other is either (a) lying or (b) not very close to that person. To avoid conflict in a relationship is to keep things at a safe enough distance that real intimacy can never happen. Intimacy comes at a price, and the price I have had to pay is my innate desire to protect myself from hurt.

This idea comes up in the Bible a lot, actually. God actually says that this inclination toward self-protection is innate in each one of us, and is part of something the Bible calls our sin nature. Through accepting Christ's payment for our sin, we can receive forgiveness and enter into a relationship with God. When we do that, God gives us a new nature and a new identity--one of the coolest things to me about experiencing this is seeing, for once, another inclination in my heart--an inclination that runs directly contrary to my self-serving sin nature. I still have that default self-serving setting, but there is now something else going on inside, something that wants to give, wants to serve someone else, even at my own expense. There's a continual conflict inside, and there are almost constant opportunities to choose which desire I will follow.

The Bible addresses this conflict a lot--it may even be the heart of the Christian life, the central thing that Christ calls us to do: to resist the urge to serve myself and to instead give myself away in serving love to others.

I know Alanis isn't a Christian, but I found it interesting that this song describes this principle. I guess since we're all made in God's image, we all sense at some level that self-protection will never be as satisfying as self-giving love and the intimacy that comes from it. I can really relate to these lyrics, and need to be reminded of this truth regularly. (The only thing I don't really believe is when she says at the end, "the tendency to want to run feels unnatural now"--I think it will always feel "natural," no matter how long we practice resisting it. It's at the core of our human nature.)

Out Is Through, Alanis Morissette

Every time you raise your voice I see the greener grass
Every time you run for cover I see this pasture
Every time we're in a funk I picture a different choice
Anytime we're in a rut, this distant grandeur

my tendency to want to do away feels natural
my urgency to dream of softer places feels understandable but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

Every time that I'm confused I think there must be easier ways
Every time our horns are locked I'm towel throwing
Every time we're at a loss we've bolted from difficulty
Anytime we're in stalemate, a final bowing

my tendency to want to hide away feels easier
The immediacy of picturing another place, comforting to go but I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately

We could just walk away and hide our heads in the sand
We could just call it quits only to start all over again, with somebody else

Every time we're stuck in struggle I'm down for the count that day
Every time I dream of quick fix I'm assuaged
Now I know it's hard when it's through and I'm damned if I don't,
no quick fix way
What formerly was treatment silent's now outdated

My tendency to want to run feels unnatural now
The urgency to want to give to you what I want most feels good and I know

The only way out is through
The faster we're in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
The only way out is through
The only way we'll feel better
The only way out is through ultimately