Enough Crypticness

Did you know that "crypticness" is actually a word? Well, it's not recognized by Webster yet, but the American Heritage Dictionary (which I used to own, until it was stolen from my dorm room [along with all of my textbooks] my freshman year when my roommate forgot to lock the door) vouches for it.

Anyway. I've been meaning to blog a followup post to clarify the recent enigmatic ones, but haven't gotten around to it until now.

Yes, the phone call I was waiting for (and finally got last week) was a job offer. An offer for a job I was convinced that I wanted...until, that is, I decided in my mind that, if they offered it to me, I was going to take it. Then, the doubts came. In floods. So many factors were weighing in (and weighing on me), but the bottom line is that the decision to take the offer (before, mind you, it was offered to me) was not sitting well with me. It didn't feel right. It was making me sick. Then, when the phone call finally came, I felt more unsure than ever.

I hate making decisions based on feelings. I'm a thinker, not a feeler. Right? So I like to believe, anyway.

I obsessed about it endlessly. Talked it over with friends. Talked it over with Jesus. Asked Him to make it clear. (It was so unclear!)

In the end, the decision was both emotional and rational. In the end, the right choice was clear.

I turned down the offer. I decided to stay.

So, even though I'm staying where I was/am, the process of...well, processing through the decision has helped clarify many things for me. What's important to me in a job. What I want to do. Who I want to do it with. (Okay, that sounded bad, but you know what I mean) Where I see myself going and who I want to become. So, even though I'm staying in the same place, I don't feel like I'm staying in the same place. Most importantly, I want to resurrect the Grammar Nazi. I've missed her.