This one came on last night while I was driving, and it struck a chord (somehow it missed the first few times I heard it). It describes how I feel so often...when I know something's not right inside, and I feel all bunched up and anxious about it, yet I'm not sure how to "fix" it. Usually the only way around it is through it--opening it up and dumping it out (usually in an unintelligible conversation with God, full of nonsense and tears). Somehow things seem clearer after that.
It reminds me of how my mom used to clean. She had a hard time cleaning just one little thing at a time, so when she decided to clean a room, she really cleaned it. Reorganized it from scratch. I mean, drawers were emptied, closets gutted, you name it. I'd walk into the room and it would look like a disaster zone--piles everywhere.
I'd be like, "Whoa, what's going on?"
She'd reply, "I'm cleaning."
"But," I'd protest, "it looks a lot worse than it did before you started...uh...cleaning."
Her response? "Sometimes, before you can clean a room, you have to make a bigger mess."
As a kid, I thought this was nutty. As an adult, however, I see a profound wisdom to this that maybe applies more to the mess of ourselves, the internal stuff, than it does to our spare rooms.
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Anyway. Lyrics. (half of them, anyway)
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The Way We Mend (Bebo Norman)
It's just that some voices remind me I'm not strong enough
To put all my demons behind me and carry this love
But just like an angel of mercy, You take me by the hand and say
It's the way we mend
We tear it all down and we'll start it again
And I don't know how but you find me where we begin
And that's just the way, the way that we mend
They're pouring out
From my mouth
So many words all spoken wrong
But you come alive
And somehow I find my way
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